Oh my God they're going to kill us (well not quite)

I stumbled across another astonishing article from Eastern Europe today. This one isn't intentionally funny though and doesn't contain any boars.

What it does have though is a buffoon. Vladimir Zhirinovsky has claimed that Britain is public enemy number one. Am I worried? Well I was until I read the rest of the article. And I'm now going to get great personal pleasure from dissecting it.

1. "Zhirinovsky accused Britain of sheltering senior Chechen separatist Akhmed Zakayev, who is wanted in Russia on terrorism charges, and oligarch Boris Berezovsky."

I'm so sorry Mr Zhirinovsky I'll go and fetch them out of my cupboard now - I had no idea that it was them that were hiding there.

2. "Other British offenses, apparently, include founding the Communist Party of the Soviet Union."

Is this the same Britain that has always been ideologically against communism and is one of the few countries in Europe never to have a significant communist success at the polls? Maybe we knew how rubbish it is and inflicted it upon Russia out of spite.

3. "A spokesman for the British Embassy in Moscow responded: 'People often make surprising and exuberant statements during their birthday celebrations. We don't think that there is any need to comment on Mr. Zhirinovsky's latest rantings.'
The spokesman added that the British Embassy nonetheless wished Zhirinovsky a happy birthday."

Haaaaappy birthday to you, haaaaaaaaaappy birthday to you, haaappy birthday Mr Zhirinovvvvvvvvvvsky, haaaaaaaappy birthday to you.

4. "Boris Melnikov, 56, one of Zhirinovsky's well-wishers, said he particularly enjoyed the entertainment provided by the birthday boy: 20 models whose job it was to pose in photographs with the guests so that,'Zhirinovsky explained, 'every man can feel like he's a man.'"

Oh do stop it Mr Zhirinovsky. It's like the Russian equivalent of parliamentary Nuts magazine. Well I'm sure it's a vote winner!

5. "He has forged ties with right-wing extremists in other countries, including Jean Marie Le Pen of France and Belgium's Daniel Feret, who was invited to Tuesday's party."

Well what a party that would be. I'd love to be sat on that table. Were the BNP not invited?

6 (and best). "Earlier, he accused Jews of ruining the country, sending women abroad as prostitutes, selling children and organs to the West, and provoking the Holocaust -- despite acknowledging in 2001 that he was, in fact, half-Jewish"

This one really, really defies logic.

7. "Vladimir Zhirinovsky has called for nuking Japan, dumping radioactive waste in Germany and reoccupying Alaska."

The man is clearly an absolute crackpot who should never be given a microphone ever again. It amazes that some Russian people actually vote for him. Well actually that's a lie it doesn't amaze me but it bewilders me that this man's political party is called the 'Liberal Democratic Party'. What part of this is liberal or democratic?! I rest my case.

pic from thesqueal.com